learning how to say “okay”

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“okay.”

my life has looked a lot like “okay” lately.  when all your things hit the fan and it’s on super power mode, going like 100 mph, sometimes you just have to say okay.

I feel a little disconnected from my life, haha.  like maybe, it’s over there and I’m over here, just watching.  watching as if I want to be involved, but also not sure that there’s room for me.

I guess what I mean is that it’s busy.  all the things are very full.  my head feels like that fuzzy screen that comes on the tv when it goes out.  from tests to projects to hard news to etsy orders to feeling guilty for not having it together, it’s all a lot.

I would love to say that I’m handling all of it well, but I’m not.  quite the opposite, I think.  by the end of the day, I’m exhausted and 50 shades of over it.

don’t get me wrong.  I love this season (3 or so months ago, I could have NEVER said that. man, it feels good).  this season is busy and hard and sometimes I feel like it’s for the birds, but I love college + having an etsy shop + being challenged even when it feels too full for my hands.

but when all the things hit the fan at once and it’s going 100 mph, it gets heavy really quick.  and quite frankly, I’m not near strong enough to carry the load that I keep putting back on my back.

so I’m learning to say “okay.”  I’m seeing how to say it when I don’t totally feel it.  and I’m running in the freedom that He says I can do that.

it’s praying with faith that actually remembers hope, which, I promise, is much easier sounding than it actually sounds.  these days, they sound sort of like “God, please.”

I’m learning to say “okay” and be done with all the things.  because I don’t think that the Lord ever intended for me to carry all the things.  the Bible says cast your junk upon the Lord because He cares for you and I’m choosing that today and tomorrow and all the days until I can learn to let Him lighten my load.

I’m choosing “okay” when I don’t feel the okay.  and I’m choosing “okay” when I can’t seem to see the floor.

because “okay” says surrender and He promises to do big things with our surrenders.  so here’s to all of them because it’s all too much.  here’s to letting go of all the things because we cannot and will not ever be strong enough.

what a beautiful disaster.  meet me here in the middle of it and we’ll have some faith all the way through.

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