It’s been a while. and no one feels that more than I do. even still, I’m struggling.
I’m learning to laugh at myself, learning it in all the little things. from spilled coffee to forgotten assignments to skidding into graduation on two tires because I’ve changed my major a lot of times.
I think that a big part of laughing at yourself is realizing that you put way more pressure on yourself than the Lord ever intended. that He has not and will not ever expect me to be perfect. somewhere along the lines, I began to expect that of myself.
today, I come here laughing. I come laughing at the humor that I am convinced the sweet Lord has. I come laughing at the way He pulls things together and pulls things apart. and how good He still is in both.
the truth is, lately, my heart has been hard. I didn’t know that was true until I sang the words, “I need you to soften my heart.” that is me. that became my prayer weeks ago and it still is.
I have been the most frustrated lately. I’ve felt fed up and over it. I think when all your little bits of things get together, it’s just one big bit that you can’t get over. and before you know it, you’re aggravated and exhausted and you’re begging for a break. and that’s where my hard heart has been.
but I’m learning to laugh. because maybe we take life way more seriously than the Lord ever wanted. maybe we make all of this into so much more than it’s supposed to be.
and that’s all I’ve got. I always promised that I would never write if I didn’t feel it – that the words would all be because I have a craving to let them go, not because it has been a while and I feel the pressure of my ignored blog. so all I’ve got is a few words and lots of laughs.