well, it’s 5 days into the year and I’ve still yet to talk about all my goals. I had trouble coming up with them this year. they usually roll off my tongue before I can (1) consider the work that I’m committing to (lol) or (2) consider what goals the Lord would have for me. but this time around, I went a little slower, prayed and listened a little deeper, and really looked at my life to see where I was not being the best version of myself.
2015 was a medium year – not good or bad. it was a year of learning a lot about myself and about the Lord. I learned about where He is calling me. I learned about serving and about building a home (even if it is only a Stringer C one) and about hospitality and about love. I learned lots about love.
but I’m deeming 2016 as the year of wonder. partially because there are heaps of unknowns, but big time because I am already feeling the weight of circumstances that the Lord is bringing to test how deeply I actually believe in Him (run on sentence that was hard to understand, sorry).
but I think He wants more of me. and He’s gonna use a lot of things to see how much of Him I really want. I’m graduating and moving and paying bills and maybe going to grad school and thinking about how much I want a dog and all these little (big) things are gonna show who I really love and who I really believe in. so let’s wonder, let’s see how it goes.
without further ado, this is the year I purpose to:
in 2015, I was richly blessed with more community than I thought I wanted. I had a “I don’t need more friends” attitude and I was content with the people around me. little did I know that the Lord would give me people to prove to me how wrong I was. I have been blessed to get to know the sweetest, most loving little nuggets over the year and I’m abundantly thankful. so here’s to more of them.
engage my opportunities to serve.
I have never loved serving if I can be honest, haha. I’m pretty picky about what kind of serving I am interested in. and I know this is not the right attitude at all (Jesus came to serve and not to be served), but I’ve never made it a “goal”, so now I have to. it’s been easy to ignore. this year, it’s on the blog, so you better do it, Brenna.
omg. so many times, I am looking forward to what is next – the next weekend, the next break from school, graduation, my birthday, moving, always always always seeing next rather than now. but the Lord has called me as much here as He has to then.
believe in the things He has promised to me, whether I see their fruit or not.
perhaps this is the biggest one. because often times, I’ll buy what God is selling if I can see how great it’ll be for me. it’s in the unknown where I lose all my sight. Father, help me hold to the promise and not to the fruit before me.
break my desire to have it all.
because ya gurl does want it all – the great job, the hot, hunk of a husband, plenty of money, the cutest kids, all the happiness, and a whole lot of God. my desire to have it all comes from a place of (1) wanting to hoard it all and (2) wanting to show everyone how well I made it. how, despite all the obstacles, I fought through the mud and now I have it all. look at all my trophies. but I’ve never found God in the “all” of it, so make me want less of it.
daily remember the cross.
while I rely on Jesus a lot because I have no other option, I don’t remember the cross as often as I would like to. let me remember it here in this moment and tomorrow in those, ten years from now in all those small and big moments. because all the things are in light of the cross and I need it in all the days.
do it believing in His power.
and I’m not sure what “it” is, but I know “it” is big and that I can’t do “it” without remembering “I am”.
let go of all I’m clinging to.
this year holds a lot of unknowns. and always, I’m clinging to my friends, my family, and my comforts with the tightest of grips. but I can’t help but feel tugged towards more – a more that doesn’t have all my things. so let me embrace the more, even if it looks like a loss, because I think You are in the more.
with this, I’m choosing to let go of the myths that I’ve been believing. such as that one that says that my worth is found in how much money I make or how great my husband is. or the one that says if you leave where you’re from, you can’t go back because that’ll mean you failed. or that one that says I have to be super individual to be special or cool. or that one that whispers that I only get one chance. let’s let those go.
learn the art of less.
big time this year, I’m practicing minimalism – purging my closet of the clothes that haven’t seen the light of day in years, cleaning my desk of random ideas that never made it to the surface, my phone of old contacts that I don’t know anymore, my 30 coffee mugs when I can only use one at a time. because why do I need so much stuff? there’s a whole world to be found in the less that I’ve been ignoring. and I’m going to fight for the less.
live with intention.
this means that the 45 minutes I lay in bed before sleep finds me, scrolling scrolling scrolling, need to go. this means that the binge sessions of 10 law and orders in a row needs to go. this means that waiting the very last minute to leave for those plans, knowing that I’ll be late, needs fixing. because that’s not intentional. maybe I’ll go to bed earlier so I can wake up sooner to actually spend time with the Lord. maybe I’ll do my homework before midnight because then I’ll be able to go see the sunset and be reminded of just how sweet He is. maybe I’ll make lunch plans with that girl that I barely know because I think I have things to say to her.
to myself and to others. because this temper of mine is short and harsh. and the thoughts that I can think are rage-filled and selfish.
grow in having conversations that matter.
because I’m really content to talk about funny pictures on twitter or how much my professor aggravated me today, but much less likely to tell you about how sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and worry worry worry or about how I’m so terrified to graduate because I’m a lot less confident in the future than I act like I am.
so there is it. 2016 in a page. those are all the goals and the hopes. it’s a loaded year, but I am sure that the Lord has called this to be. that He has called all these pieces to be because He wants the best of me and not the leftover that I’ve been giving.
so 2016, the year of 1000 wonders, here’s to you.
— resolutions adapted from resolutions template by Ann Voskamp – find it here: resolutions printable —